So i had an apple when i got home last night. it was so fucking good. I was literally wrecked but i sat in sandies room for an hour and annoyed the fuck out of her caught up with her.
Was the really nice kind of weak today. Barely felt sick at all. Got dressed and came down to princes street (had an apple on the way) then got a few presents and had a soy chai latte (last time i'll do that for a while)
Dinner at work was roast leg of lamb in marsala jus (type of red wine?) and potatoes. 1500?

Theres a huge box of chocolates for reception sitting in the office. i've been good so far. My last apple is in the bottom of my bag, im not hungry though i don't actually want it.

uchiage tomorrow, probably going to be up and out early to collect all the sushi from the restraunt. I'll try and be good tomorrow. Today hasn't been all that great tbh, it'll probably be easy enough to improve on it.

fuck. still haven't fucking well studied. I'm going to try and do an hour now.

friends from home want to go to pizza hut next week. im gonna try and make sure i have calories in my phone. its so shit because im at home for that weekend. Seriously just thinknig about how much i'll probably eat is making me want to cry. fucks sake.

on the plus side: apart from sweets & wrapping paper, i've got everyones presents!!! yeyness!!!

xoxo

Hate this fucking depression. feel like i'll never be fucking normal. On the plus side i controlled myself quite well today. Was at 121.4, got up at 6.30, didn't eat anything until about 1.30 when i had a soy chai latte at starbucks as a "cheer up" incentive after that stupid exam this morning. Was nice to just sit there for an hour and chat to my mum. Not have to care about anything.

Not actually walked around much today but at least it's better than sitting around the flat binging! Need to remember to get wrapping paper btw! 

Dinner was turkey and potatos and green beans. So many calories but it's the only thing i'll eat today. So i'm probably ok to guess 1000 right? Hopefully i can properly get below 120 this month. It's killing me to see everyone else lose so much weight so normally and i have to fight with my stupid fat self every second not to fucking binge. Seriously emotional eating will be how i die ok.

Need to not have breakfast or lunch tomorrow. Might come down to the shops early so i can get wrapping paper and fun stuff like that. Could have a liquid lunch if i really wanted.

have this obsession now with storing calorie info in my phone so i don't panic when we're out somewhere. makes everything so much fucking better. like 203 for starbucks today. I can deal with splurging as long as i'm still in control. Uchiage party on friday. i will NOT let everyone see how much of a fatass i am. Just gonna go, force out some happy, control myself.

Good things to focus on:
wrapping everyones presents and giving them out!!!
meeting up with linz (hopefully!)
finishing exams
making christmas dinner and dessert.


xoxo

PS Lena said she might be able to get me some wrist bands for hogmanay, we probably wont use them but it would be cool to offer them to people!!