omg so much fucking stress! seriously my laptop AND my phone in three days! i want to fucking scream! mum is being fucked up and i can't even get to talk to my brother. how is this fair??

I have eaten so much today i actually don't know how to deal with my life. I just want to sleep through uni tomorrow.
Cereal, rice, egg roll, hot dogs, brocolli, sweet and sour sauce, tofu smeared in groundnut oil, soy sauce, tempura, irish stew.

jesus i actually seriously can't deal with this fucking shit. like how is this my fucking life?! God i can't even get out of dinner here and it's not like i can just throw up. Seriously i fucking refuse to eat just because it's the right thing to do. Tomorrow i'll be fine. Cereal, two easy classes, diet coke for lunch, might get my mum a present, then dinner at work then home. I hate how i don't have the fucking energy for the crosstrainer after work. I might push myself to go on anyways even if it's just for like 15 minutes.

So my only source of internet right now is at work which fucking sucks. God i need my fucking net back i have like a thousand million essays due. God i can't believe this fucking happened to me wtf!? I can't be fucking done with my mum guilt tripping me into more fucking depression seriously i just want to feel ok for once!

If it wasn't for work i'd be starving so well this week. I'm disgusted with myself for that fucking bento today. I don't give a shit if i'm the freak i fucking hate this eating bullshit.

((it's nice to see myself rational and positive about eating. hah.))


So as it stand i have no phone and no computer. I'm working 28.5 hours this week and i have 1 week to research and write my EAC essay, which i always bomb. Mum is all depressed and fucked up and i'm pretty much out of contact with my brother. Pretty much everyone in my flat has foresaken work for studying. I'm so going to fucking well fail. I'll be a really fucking poor failure.

As ever i'm a fat cow.

Somedays i wish i could just cut or purge or do something to get my fucking frustration out at. As it is i'm going to have a fag on the way home and start taking some vitamins. Good news however, my period is over for another month.

God end of october already. Heres to hoping this streak of bad luck is over already...