have what are probably hunger cramps. that or like...stomach cancer...O_o (jokes! lol sorry not funny)

made instant mash and tea. i have no idea why i thought that would help but i couldn't eat anything solid its too late.

it totally hasn't helped. well it took my mind off things for a bit.

will be perversly happy going to sleep in pain tonight.

still totally just chilling out and enjoying the downtime.

i miss my puppies alot. i always miss them when im relaxing.

will try and phone my brother today (well when i wake up w/e) and write some essay.

such a crappy day for everyone, least it's nearly over now though.
cereal, banana, falaffal wrap and SHIT LOADS of japanese food. Like seriously i'm probably 2500 or something. It's pretty disgusting. I hate eating in public i shouldn't ever let myself go out to eat. No i hate MYSELF eating out in public. Everyone else is so fucking normal and just controlled and eat normal shit. Why can't i just not ever embarass myself by binging?
AND i keep biting my nails. they haven't had time to grow for like 5, maybe 6 months now. probably since June.

So no today hasn't been a good day. Have so much essay to do and generally feel like a fat piece of shit. I don't care though. I think i'm going to go get some presents for people tomorrow with my mum and gran, then i can avoid going out tomoz night because i hate being such a whiny annoying cow. Then work saturday (need to get more vit c from chemist on way home) then sunday i can FORCE myself to finish writing my motherfucking essay. Monday can be a panicked finishing session then tuesday work, wed hand in essay, thurs last day of lectures and from then on it's just revision and work.

hate mirrors hate mirrors hate mirrors hate mirrors hate mirrors hate mirrors hate mirrors

don't know why i should care about any of this shit at all ever. it's me who actually cares.

such a waste of space. all i do it fail and moan and waste money,

one thing that makes me happy right now? i have no food in the house. cereal and frozen veg. made of awesome. couldn't stuff my fat face even if i wanted to.

wish i could crawl out of my body tonight and go be someone else. hope tomorrow is better. need new personality/looks/intelligence/motivation/ambition. (maybe they should be going on my christmas list?)

xoxo

why am i even on lj?! Seriously i still have to do 2 & 7 day checks, write all the room cards for tomorrow, print up newspaper/wake up call lists, answer whats probably a MILLION emails (im scared to look) order a taxi, sort out some function for tomorrow, float check and photocopy some music for Eliza.

oh yeah...and WRITE my ESSAY.

!!! 

omfg!

And the phone won't stop ringing and banking ran late today and theres still people to check in. and like EVERYONE keeps warning me to lock the automatic doors but then im gonna hafta keep letting people in and the soroptomists are here tonight and shiz. like wtf?!

Eat so much today. Wussed out of weighing myself, had cereal, pesto, SDT & ham sandwich for lunch then tea was chips and chicken thing. so 1500? I really don't know. I'm not going to worry about it. Tomorrow maybe i'll skip breakfast and have fruit for lunch? not entirely sure. Maybe just cereal. But i think some of us are still going to Tang's and i'm looking forward to going out but kina nervous, i feel like nothing good can come of a social meal. Feel kina bloated but it's all the soda (whoops) and my "period" this month. Like wtf it's barely even spotting it's such a joke. Meh I'm not gonna worry about it unless it stops completely.

hoshit was meant to be finished most work work like 5 mins ago so i could do essay. Omg i'm going to fail so hard. Wanna work really really fast so i can go christmas shopping on friday and mostly i just want to RELAX! 

It's snowing (not here but around the country) It's SOOOO cold in the flat but i'm bundled up all nice and warm in my disney bathrobe. mwahaha.

Have got some presents so far but i still have loads to do. Have to get things for the flat first because they'll be leaving.

Did an early shift at work today so i had to have breakfast and lunch. Corn flakes (not sure what milk...semi?) and then some chips and chicken burgers but just a small portion. Which was ok but someone brought me full fat coke and i was like "um...omg ew....um...." but it's the only time i was going to eat today so i just drank it. We were far too busy for me to have a soda crisis in the middle of everything.

Glad i'm home now, i have a day off to revise for mondays kanji test tomorrow then i'm in mon/tue/wed/thurs, friday i NEEEEEEEED to have my Japanese essay almost finished because i'm working again saturday then only have sunday/monday/tuesday to make sure all my work is done then it's the last day off classes that thursday i think!

oh my actual god ...another semester over already. Just hoping this goes in a rush, i just want exams to be over so bad, except exams over means i only have the week off, but still i'm excited to have some time off no matter what. I need to make sure i get someone to cover my shift on the 9th, stupid exams!



PS awesome news: we totally have scales again. yey~

xoxo

So the essay of uberfail is over. Finally. Going to finish stealing references from people tomorrow. Can't believe my essay is such a piece of shit, im going to have to work so fucking hard not to fail this year. Motherfucker.

Today was nice. Eat too much but my stomach didn't cramp for too long. And i feel ok because im over that nasty fucking binging. Had ham and garlic tomato salad and some veggie bakes but veggies have this cheese fetish that creeps me out. Dairy and carbs freak me out quite alot.

wtf is iTunes doing?

i feel kind of braindead its weird, i wish i wasn't so cold.

so i finished my essay and eat 800. i think thats ok. My skin is really icky right now, im going to keep flushing my system out tonight.

800 and i feel so full and gross. it sucks quite alot... (i'm trying not to think about it tbh)

I'm gonna go see if i can scrapbook or something!

xoxo