today is the best day in forever! well ok not really but it has been super awesome!
i got like 8 hours sleep but i was still shattered but i don't care because classes are over for the week and i'm going out tonight and then after 3.30pm saturday i'm only working one day for the next week and a half which is so cool!!! seriously im so excited. it's just over a month until christmas and i have NO IDEA what to get people but im just so fucking happy!

i know, slightly manic....bear with me.

So i had breakfast (like 200) then nothing but diet coke until dinner (my stomach was cramping slightly but i felt better than i have in ages) then i eat two sausages and some mash for tea. I'm trying not to think about how much was in that because our food is ridiculous. the mash alone was probably like 500. I'm going to say just over 1000....1200? so i DEFINATELY want to stop. like my tummy is still a little bit crampy but it's not so used to diet coke any more. Oh well it'll survive. 

I want alot of pro plus tonight. I'm scared to drink because of the calories. I'm also too scared to go back on the scales because i've never actually felt as fat as i do now. i want to be drunk but i don't want any more calories. the whole thing upsets me. i just don't want to binge tonight. theres always food at jsoc but i just want to be drunk and happy and not care or feel anything.

I hope this good feeling stays with me.

xoxo