i hate binge days more than anything. guess what today is already?

Im gonna be over 2000 already. fuck i hate feeling so fat and gross. I just don't have the energy to fight myself. Hate not having any control over what we get served at work. seriously could it get much worse for me than deep fried fucking breaded cheese?!?

would rather have had nothing and be sitting at home with the two bottles of diet coke in the fridge. Well i can always have them tomorrow. Tomoz is the last day till tuesday i'll have any fucking control as well. Gonna look like shit to see the girls back home this weekend. No change from usual then. tue and wed are the run up to xmas then thurs/fri are going to be horrific of course.

Jesus im going to put on so much fucking weight in the next week i want to die just thinking about it.



I'm such a liar. I don't want to be thin at all. I'm binging as i fucking type this.

hatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehate. I'm so disusting m gonna feel like this for another 9 days at least. fuuuuuuuuuuuck. I will NOT let this defeat me. Swear to god, lower than 118  for semester 2.

xoxo

So the essay of uberfail is over. Finally. Going to finish stealing references from people tomorrow. Can't believe my essay is such a piece of shit, im going to have to work so fucking hard not to fail this year. Motherfucker.

Today was nice. Eat too much but my stomach didn't cramp for too long. And i feel ok because im over that nasty fucking binging. Had ham and garlic tomato salad and some veggie bakes but veggies have this cheese fetish that creeps me out. Dairy and carbs freak me out quite alot.

wtf is iTunes doing?

i feel kind of braindead its weird, i wish i wasn't so cold.

so i finished my essay and eat 800. i think thats ok. My skin is really icky right now, im going to keep flushing my system out tonight.

800 and i feel so full and gross. it sucks quite alot... (i'm trying not to think about it tbh)

I'm gonna go see if i can scrapbook or something!

xoxo