I don't think im going to do a very good job of coping once everyone comes back and we start up classes again. It's my birthday next week and im just so fucking apathetic about everything. I want something to look forward too. Hearing about japan? I'm trying i swear.

i have reason not to trust myself i fucked my arm up tonight just because i was sick of feeling numb. how fucked up is that?

I got up the courage to weight myself this morning. 119.8

and everything is so fucking meaningless.

i want to believe that i can get over this.

but its like i still have to keep proving to myself that i still hate that bitch in the mirror.

trash failure loser



i can't go out there and try and rebuild my relationship with them because they shouldn't have to be around a disgusting piece of shit like me. they're happy i hate being myself and having to face how bad i just dont measure up to them. imstilltrying.

xoxo